I wake up in the morning, climb out of my bed Stick my mustache to the front side of my head Eat breakfast in the kitchen with my wife and kids Except I don't because I live alone And over to the studio, to say "Hello!" 'Cause I'm the news anchor, gotta start the show I've got a lot of work to fill my predecessor's shoes Before he died, he told me just which words to use BREAKING NEWS! The army's looking for people To become part of a big hot air balloon BREAKING NEWS! Wait, the balloon project's been canceled 'Cause the last one's stuck orbiting the moon BREAKING NEWS! The project's done, the moon has won When the general was asked, he said "I want my mom" BREAKING NEWS! Well at least they're all up there together Now here's Wooly with the weather Hey Wooly, how's the weather today? Go away Are you sure it's not going to rain? Go away Our viewers just need to attain if it's going to rain As we both know the weather is your domain No, it isn't But look at all these people that have to remain Unaware of any drizzle, mist, or HURRICANE! What? You think they'll look out their window panes? And how would it affect all the farmer's grain? Uh We really need a sheep here with a functioning brain 'Cause our backup weather sheep finds it hard to explain ㅤ It's causing some villagers to call and complain With things like "I'm sorry, could you say that again?" I don't work for you Just read the weather! No. Go away Thanks, Wooly, good to have you around Now onto a section called "What've You Found?" Where the citizens show what they have uncovered Here are the judges, and here are the buzzers Ok, number one, what have you got for me? I nearly died getting to this heart of the sea It's not really my cup of tea I agree, let's release the angry bees What? Alright, number two, well what have you got there? Oh, I found this comfy chair! Doesn't he know that's just some stairs? Way too hard on our derrières Okay, number three, this better be slick Oh, uh, I found this stick What a beautiful stick What a beautiful stick I've seen nothing quite like it What about this one here? What about what one where? Gosh, that stick is delightful What a beautiful stick (What a beautiful stick) Beautiful stick Release the bees Well, that was fun, but back to reading the news! With an anchor this handsome, how could you refuse? Wait, I'm being told about unfolding events! The facts of which I'll try to condense BREAKING NEWS! A citizen has been accused today Of enacting nefarious deeds BREAKING NEWS! There were many chests in his house Filled to the top with melon seeds BREAKING NEWS! He's on the run, the search is on Everyone believes what he's done is wrong BREAKING NEWS! But we need to get the facts aligned So here's Villager #9! The perp is gone and we have no leads He had 17,000 seeds Do you know how many mouths that feeds? Who needs so many seeds? Who needs so many seeds? Is this really something to condemn? Oh, I see, you're one of them! (Get him!) Ah! Wait, don't I get a lawyer? I'm just a simple seed enjoyer It's getting kind of dicey over there in the square There are polarized opinions in the air about the seeds Why were they left for us to find? But time's run out now, back to you, from #9 Thanks, number #9, there's a detective on the case He'll look at all the facts directly in the face (Face) He'll find the perp, he's a crime-solving ace But his last investigation ended in disgrace But that's for next time, we've run out of queues That's it for this edition of VILLAGER NEWS! The outro starts playing so I make my way home The town's so alive but I feel so Alone I could have had it all, even a child to mentor But you can't have it all when you're a news presenter To wear the mustache means sacrifice But spending time with Timmy would have been nice Back in my home, back in my bed Current events run around my head To me, the headlines are a symphony So I'll keep reading the news, for Timmy (Breaking News, Breaking News)